No marriage is perfect; we all know it takes work and commitment to compromise. While these may seem like small things in the beginning, left unchecked they can snowball into larger issues. Below are 6 warning signs your marriage is in trouble;
1. You Keep Secrets
You withhold information that you would rather share, but you’re afraid of being bullied or insulted. You might have connected with an old friend, bought something special just for you, or attended an event that would be disapproving so you lie and said you were elsewhere. Secrets that shouldn’t be secrets become so voluminous that they create profound loneliness within you.
2. You Must Endure Endless Passive Aggressive Behavior
It’s one thing to be snippy at each other, but another if every form of communication is a stab at your inadequacy or inability to function as an adult. Should you forget to take out the trash, comments like, “Of course you forgot, you always do” or, “No wonder I have to take care of everything, you can’t even do a simple chore,” can make you feel devalued and impotent.
3. You Are Fearful of Rage Over the Smallest Problem
You are verbally abused or worse, physically abused, following an incident that an average person may perceive as minor. Your partner can’t handle stress and takes everything out on you to where you walk on egg shells and avoid all conflict.
4. You Are Afraid of or Avoid Sex Entirely
You either must be drunk to have sex or you don’t want it at all, but you give in just because you’re married, and that’s what a spouse should do. (And to note: you should never be forced to have sex with anyone, even if you are married to them. It is rape if you say ‘no’ and are forced unwillingly).
5. You Are Worth So Much More
If you find yourself in this category, ask yourself, “Why am I putting up with this? Don’t I deserve better?” Do all you can to immerse each other in counseling and problem solving, but if your situation does not improve, you don’t have to tolerate it, just because you’re married. If you feel guilty for ending it, you should feel more guilty that you let yourself be treated poorly.
Over-tolerance of bad behavior is largely ignored by our culture and instead, we are praised for enduring it. You are allowed to set healthy boundaries for yourself and whoever taught you otherwise is just plain wrong. If you find yourself nodding in acknowledgement that your marriage is really bad, get out now.
6. You Resent Each Other
Everything you both do results in a negative comment or insult. The resentfulness feels like a constant tennis match of name calling and bickering, and you’ve lost track of who started it. (Note: you may have noticed that the invitations to dinner parties are dwindling because your friends are sick of it too).