I’m going to ask you to play a game of human observation with me. I’m going to describe two people to you, and you are going to guess which one has a harder time developing romantic relationships. Ready?
Meet person 1 — Cooper is athletic and confident. He holds a degree from Harvard, is extremely well-traveled, is a published author, a motivational speaker, and is now a CEO of a promising startup. At the age of 43, he is a multimillionaire and counts amongst his close friends well-known public figures and celebrities.
Meet person 2 — Simon is a soft-spoken 29-year-old who recently quit his 9–5 job as a data analyst to branch out as a freelancer. As an introvert, he spends most of his time reading and spending time with a small circle of close friends. Simon doesn’t regard himself as especially athletic but generally lives a healthy lifestyle.
Now we all know which person would have more luck on Tinder but what about real life? Which of these two people do you think actually has more success forming intimate relationships?
You’re probably smart enough to figure out that I set you up to answer that Cooper was likely the most romantically successful but that the real answer is actually Simon. And you would be right.
You see, Cooper is a very successful individual, but intimacy is really a dance between two people. Simon, on the other hand, understands this. What is it that they do differently? Cooper employs what I call the “Pushing” method of communication while Simon employs the “Pulling” method.
The Pushing Method
The first time I met Cooper, it felt like I was listening to a complete recital of his resume within the first 5 minutes. I knew exactly what his career highlights were, how much money he had made on his recent book, and which famous public figures had endorsed it. It felt rehearsed, even the seemingly humorous parts. Almost all of the conversation was about what Cooper had achieved instead of who he is as a person.