Hello Auntie Abena, I hope this message finds you well. I’m facing a challenging situation in my relationship that I would like to discuss with you.
After dating for 15 years, her family is strongly against our relationship, and she seems to be going along with their wishes. Currently, she is out of the country, staying with her family, who disapprove of us being together. Despite the time we’ve been together, she’s still asking for more time and seems to be prioritizing their opinions over our relationship. Meanwhile, I’m here in Benin, feeling unsure of what to do.
I wonder if it’s time for me to move on. Is love alone enough reason to keep fighting for this relationship? We met when I was just 20 years old, and I am now 35. I even made an effort to introduce my family to hers, but her Dad made it clear that he wants her to pursue her own travel plans and delayed any possibility of formalizing our relationship for another 6 to 7 years, despite her having already spent 6 months away.
This whole situation has caused a lot of pain and heartache. Recently, I opened my heart to someone else, and we’ve been connecting on a deep level.
I believe her family’s disapproval is largely due to my humble background. While it’s difficult to let go of the love we have shared for so many years, I also don’t want to be stuck in a situation where my feelings are not being fully reciprocated.
I would greatly appreciate your advice on how to handle this delicate situation and whether it’s wise for me to consider moving on.
Thank you for your understanding and support.
ADVICE FROM AUNTY ABENA
Hello dear,
I understand the challenging situation you’re going through, and I’m here to offer some advice. First and foremost, it’s essential to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Relationships can be complicated, especially when external factors like family disapproval come into play.
1. Communication: The foundation of any healthy relationship is open and honest communication. Talk to your partner about your feelings, concerns, and the impact of her family’s disapproval on your relationship. It’s essential for both of you to understand each other’s perspectives and find common ground.
2. Consider Her Perspective: Try to understand why she may be hesitant to go against her family’s wishes. Family can hold significant influence, and it might be difficult for her to choose between them and your relationship. Be patient and empathetic, but also express how you feel and what you need in the relationship.
3. Evaluate the Relationship: After 15 years of dating, it’s natural to consider the future and whether this relationship aligns with your long-term goals and values. Take some time to reflect on what you truly want from a partner and a relationship, and if this situation is fulfilling those desires.
4. Trust Your Instincts: You mentioned that you’ve met someone else with whom you’re connecting on a deep level. Trust your instincts and evaluate whether this new connection has the potential for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
5. Seek Support: Consider talking to a professional counselor or therapist who can provide unbiased guidance and help you navigate these emotions and decisions.
6. Focus on Your Growth: Regardless of the outcome, focus on your own personal growth and happiness. Strengthen your support system, pursue your interests, and take care of yourself.
7. Be Prepared for Different Outcomes: Understand that the final decision may not entirely be in your control. Your partner may or may not choose to go against her family’s wishes. Be prepared for different outcomes and think about how you will handle each one.
Ultimately, the decision to move on or stay in the relationship is yours to make. Consider what brings you true happiness and fulfillment in the long run. Relationships require mutual respect, understanding, and support. I wish you the best as you navigate this difficult situation. Remember that you deserve love and happiness in your life. Take care.