I was friends with Kofi first. We talked about almost everything. It never occurred to me that I was sharing too much of my personal information with him. That’s because of the bond we had. He also never shied away from sharing deep intimate parts of himself with me. We were each other’s safe space.
One day my phone got stolen. Kofi and I were texting at the time it happened. I didn’t want him to think I disappeared on him without a reason but there wasn’t much I could do until I got my SIM card back.
I called him but he didn’t pick up. Later he called me with another number and I told him about my stolen phone. I asked him whose number it was that he called me with. He said it was his. So I saved it as Kofi.
Somewhere last year I was viewing the WhatsApp status on my feed when I came across Kofi’s story. He posted something funny and I responded to it. I realized that it was the first time I was texting him. It didn’t make sense because I texted Kofi all the time. However, the person on the end didn’t say they didn’t know me. They texted me as if they were Kofi so I thought it was really Kofi who was texting me with his number.
For a while, I was texting Kofi’s new number and occasionally his old number. I knew something didn’t add up but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Then it happened that I was texting the new number of Kofi and I mentioned my stolen phone. He then asked, “How did you lose your phone?” I remembered I had already discussed it with Kofi so why was he asking about it again?
It was at this point that I knew that he wasn’t Kofi. I replied to his message, “I already told you about how I lost my phone. So why are you asking me again?” This guy said I didn’t so I was now mentioning it. I told him, “You are not Kofi.” He responded, “I am not Kofi. I am Kojo, Kofi’s older brother. Can I see your photos, I can tell you are friends with my brother.” Although I was glad to be right I was also confused.
I asked the Kojo guy if the number we were texting on belonged to him or Kofi. He said he lost his phone so he was using Kofi’s phone. That was when things made sense to me. I also told him how I lost my phone.
Later, Kojo and I also started talking. We became even closer than the way I was with Kofi. One thing I noticed was Kojo easily talking to me about Kofi. He would talk about their lives at home and their relationship. Kofi, on the other hand, did not like to talk about Kojo. He wouldn’t even mention his name. This gave the impression that there was bad blood between them.
I didn’t want Kofi finding out about friendship and misinterpreting it so I told him myself. I explained that I texted his number and it turned out I was talking to his brother, so we are now friends. He said he got the impression that I didn’t want him to know that I was talking to his brother. He was wrong. I asked him, “If I didn’t want you to know then why am I telling you?” He read the message but didn’t respond.
Every message I sent him after that was met with zero response. I even sent him a message on Snapchat. I had just downloaded the app and added him. Hey also added me back. I then sent him a text that I would like us to talk. He read it but he didn’t respond. It was hard for me to understand that after two years of close friendship, Kofi would just ghost me.
I was hurt but I couldn’t talk about it with his brother. I feared if Kojo found out that Kofi was no longer talking to me, he too would stop talking to me. So I chose to keep that aspect of things to myself.
As the days went by, Kojo and I got closer. He made me feel a way I had never felt before. He made me feel like I was an important part of his life. He shared every little detail about his life with me. If something big happened to him, he would tell me. If something small happened too, he’d tell me. Sometimes he would send me photos, “Look at the new shoes my mum bought for me.” If something kept him busy, he would tell me why he wasn’t available to talk to me.
One day we were having a conversation when I let it slip that Kofi was not talking to me. Kojo’s first response was, “Maybe it’s because I snatched you from him.” I couldn’t believe he would say that. I told him, “Kofi and I never had a romantic relationship. Our friendship was purely platonic. So you can’t say that you snatched me from him.” He responded and we left things there.
Shortly after that, it rained heavily on campus. I was in the North then. The rains affected the network. I couldn’t get a good reception for five days. I was in level 400 so I was also busy with my project work. When I finally came online I texted Kojo. After we exchanged pleasantries, I texted him, “It’s been a while.” He read the message but didn’t respond.
I sent him several messages after that but he hasn’t responded to any of them. I don’t know what I did wrong. He just ghosted me. That’s the same way his brother also behaved. Is it normal for them to do that? What do I do or say to these boys to push them away?
What I am even more confused about is that, now that Kojo is no longer talking to me, Kofi is back. He reached out apologizing for his silence. He wants us to talk. Is it intentional? He stopped talking to me when he found out that I was talking to his brother, and now that I am no longer talking to his brother, he wants us to talk. Should I accept him back into my life or I should block all of them and move on with my life?
PS: I have never met these guys. They are online friends. I was on campus in the northern region while they were in Accra. When I finally came home to Accra, they had moved to Canada. So we’ve only seen each other’s photos and made video calls. We’ve not met in person.