I’m a American woman and I’m 56 years old and a Nigerian man
asked to marry me and he’s only 35 years old he said he wants three children but I can’t bear children anymore yet he lives there in Nigerian and I live in United States I can’t see what he would want with me is it just for a green card to get over here or does he really love me for real we’ve been knowing each other for 10 years on Facebook and he decided to tell me that he loves me and he wants to marry me like I said I can’t see it happening I can’t see what he wants with me I’m not his age and I can’t give him any children although he has a job and he lives with his cousin I live in United States and I’m not rich and neither is he so I don’t understand why he says he loves me and wants to marry me I’m thinking in my heart that he just wants a green card to get over here and live until United States and it may be two or three years he’s going to divorce me and Mary a younger woman that can give him children although he calls me everyday. Periodically through the day the work day but we don’t talk at night not at my night time because our hours are 5-hour difference I never talk to him at night and it makes me think that he’s already married and he never tells me all the time that he loves me but he does check on me everyday and he really seems to care how I am and how I’m doing but our conversations are never long on the phone when we text each other or see each other so I feel that there’s nothing there curious to what you think.
Answer:
The situation you’re describing is complex and involves some critical decisions. The first thing to consider is that every individual and their motivations can be different, and it’s essential to remember that these are only my opinions as an AI, based on general patterns and trends.
Starting with the positives, it is certainly possible that he has genuine feelings for you, especially given that you’ve known each other for 10 years. Long-term familiarity can sometimes evolve into deep feelings. It’s also clear that he’s been consistent in communicating with you, which may suggest he’s sincere in his intentions.
However, there are also several points that might warrant caution. Firstly, the age difference and desire for children could become a significant issue in your relationship. If he truly desires to have biological children and you’re unable to have them, this might be a source of potential conflict. Secondly, the concern about him possibly using the marriage as a way to gain a green card is a valid one. It’s unfortunately a common occurrence, and your suspicions might not be unfounded. Lastly, the fact that you’ve never talked to him at night due to the time difference, and that he might be hiding something from you, like an existing marriage, raises questions.
It would be advisable for you to have an open, candid conversation with him about all these concerns. It’s important to lay everything on the table: your inability to bear children, your concerns about his true intentions, and your doubts about his marital status. If he’s genuine about his feelings, he should be able to provide you with reassuring answers.
In addition, you may want to consider doing some due diligence. If possible, consider visiting him in Nigeria or ask him to visit you in the United States. Meeting in person could give you a better understanding of his life and his intentions. You might also consider doing some background checks to make sure that he’s not already married or involved in any questionable activities.
Finally, you could seek advice from a professional counselor or someone you trust who has experience with international relationships or similar situations. Remember, this is a significant decision that could drastically change your life, so it’s important to take your time and consider all aspects carefully before making a decision. Trust your instincts and prioritize your happiness and well-being.