Particularly because, well, I am one.
I’ve said it for years in the media and also to my private coaching clients:
Guys need to put in more effort. They need to step up to the plate and put more effort, time, and energy into showing women that they care….CONTINUE READING
And, they should never do any of this for the sake of a return.
The fact is, though, that even the most selfless and kindhearted man will begin to feel taken for granted if his efforts are not reciprocated.
Great relationships, after all, aren’t about give and take…they’re aboutgive and give.
The good news is: Men are pretty simple. We don’t require much in the way of your efforts, which means that a little bit (in the context of this article; a few key phrases) will goa long wayin making him feel loved and appreciated.
I’m starting with one of the world’s simplest phrases for a reason: To highlight how important a simple showing of gratitude is and how much it means for a man to feel appreciated.
We all
want to feel valued and adored by our partner, men and women alike. Men, though, are conditioned from a young age to be the pursuers. We are the ones who ask women on dates, take women on dates, propose marriage (most of the time, I’ve had female friends propose to their husbands!), and are generally trying to “earn” the relationship.
I think this is a good thing. I believe that men find meaning in a pursuit, and purpose in making the woman they love feel special.
I also believe that men want to know that their efforts mean something. They it’s having the intended impact. That they’re also loved, cared for, and appreciated in return.
A simple “thank you” for a task he put effort into will show him that you’re recognizing what he does for you on a regular basis, no matter how big or small.
You don’t need to show some massive gesture of appreciation, just whisper the words in his ear while you’re holding on to his shoulder. No matter how big the task, that’ll make it all worthwhile.
We all know that men have a standing reputation for being terrible communicators. While this is partially biological, we’re also fed a societal narrative from a young age that showing emotions or expressing your feelings is a sign of weakness.
That, after all, is a bit old school and (thankfully) society has started shifting the message, helping men be more open about the human experience.
Still, though, there is work to be done — and if you’re someone who loves a man, you can be of massive assistance in this area.
Ensuring him that the space between the two of you is a safe one, and encouraging him to be honest and genuine about his feelings is going to help him feel more comfortable doing so. The key here is that you must honor your promise
not to judge him. For many men, exposing his insecurities, fears, or weaknesses to you is going to go against everything he’s been taught since childhood. It’ll feel uncomfortable, unnatural, and may take time to process.
If, though, you stand by him and show him that emotional expression is healthy — he’ll be more likely to step into that space over time.
Is there any greater fuel for a man’s drive than the belief of the woman he loves?
To know that she trusts in his abilities? That she believes he is capable of reaching his goals?
When a man hears that the woman he loves believes in his abilities, he begins to question himself less. He becomeseven more drivento reach new heights, to provide for her and their family ( not
suggesting men should be the sole breadwinners, simply emphasizing he’ll be inspired to do his part).
Men take great pride in being capable
creatures. This is what makes James Bond so cool.
“What’s with the Bond reference?”
James Bond is revered by many because he is capable of anything. Despite his character flaws, men see him as someone who can step up to the plate in all scenarios. He can dawn a tuxedo, but also slay bad guys, but also play a mean hand of cards, while driving the coolest cars with the best gadgets.
People believe in Bond because he has proven himself before and continues to do so (don’t get me started on the last movie, though).
While a roundabout and seemingly irrelevant description, the point is this:
When you tell him that you believe he can do something, he will do everything in his power to make sure you’re right.
I’m not implying this in a physical sense, though perhaps we’ll touch on that later (no pun intended).
Good men who are worth their salt are always striving to make the woman they love feelspecial, adored, and cared for.This is what he’s really looking for, and it’s what this phrase communicates.
While we all have our own ways of doing this, the core intention remains the same.
What’s more is, men are willing to listen and learn about your wants and needs so they can better fulfill them. Men are coach-able. They’ll put in the work to make sure the way they communicate their love is one that you receive just as fully.
When you tell him that he
makes you
feel amazing, you’re bestowing him with the greatest honor — and the phraseology focuses on him being the source of this feeling for you, which will only inspire him to work even harder to maintain what he is giving you.
I hear it ALL THE TIME from my female clients
— women just don’t trust men anymore.
And, let’s be honest…who can blame them?
The dating world is undoubtedly full of masses of bullshit that become harder and harder to navigate as we try to find the one person that (we hope) must be in there somewhere who’s different than all of the rest.
Guys know this is how women feel.
They see it posted online.
They hear it talked about at work and at the bar.
They’ve probably been told directly at one point or another, too.
If a man thinks that you are skeptical ofall menand put no trust inany of them, he’s going to feel grouped into that category, and therefore insecure in your relationship.
How could he not be, if he feels that you’re always suspicious of him, no matter how pure his intentions?
If it’s genuinely true that you really do trust him fully — which, let’s be honest, you damn well should
if you’re in a relationship with him…it’d be helpful for him to know that so he can be at ease, knowing you recognize him as different than all the rest.
This, of course, is assuming that he has put in the work to earn your trust and hasn’t betrayed you along the way.
If, though, you don’tactuallytrust him — don’t say that you do. And, what’s more, you should figure out why you’re staying with someone that you don’t actually trust…
Whether or not men admit it, we want to be supported by our partner — just like you do.
No, not supported in the sense of “you stay home all day and I’ll take care of business,” but supported when we set out to do something new. Supported in our journey to lose weight. Supported in our journey to pursue our passions. Supported in our decision to go back to school for a degree. Supported in our quest for a promotion.
There’s a reason why studies show
that married men are more successful than their single counterparts — support from the woman they love goes a long way.
I think that men’s need for respect is one of the most overlooked and undervalued conversations that we’re just simply not having.
The word can carry some funny connotations — some women will show up in the comments thinking it means we want some sort of authority. “Oh, I have to respect everything you say?! What is this, the 1950’s?!”
Uh…no.
Respect is a fundamental piece to any relationship.
Respect must be mutual.
He must respect you
wholly and fully, but that also means he is seeking to be respected in return.
Men distance themselves from places they don’t feel respected.
If their ideas aren’t respected at work, they’ll look for a new job.
If their friends don’t respect them, they’ll start staying home more often.
If they don’t feel respected in their relationship, their self-worth and self-image will suffer greatly as a result.
He needs to know that his viewpoints, his opinions, his decisions, his identity — are all respected by you…as he respects yours in return.
See? I told you that respect needs to go both ways.
And, if he’s putting in the work to make sure that you
feel heard, let him know.
He should be respecting your boundaries, your opinions, your thoughts and your beliefs.
He should be respecting the decisions that you make.
He should be respecting you as a human being.
Since the dawn of time, women have been unfairly pressured by society to look a certain way, dress a certain way, have a certain size waist, or hips, or proportions…
The adverse effects of such pressures have been immeasurable.
I always feel the need to recognize that reality before making a point about men’s self image, becauseinevitablysomeone goes to the comments and tells me that “women have it worse.”
Well, spoiler alert, this isn’t a contest.
The man you love can very well have self-image issues as well. He’s probably insecure about his weight, or his 3 chins, or the fact that he lost all of his hair (ahem…me).
He probably has his own Instagram influencers that he compares himself to in private, too.
And (hopefully) he’s putting in the work to improve his levels of confidence. Maybe he’s walking outside after dinner every night. Maybe he’s power-lifting. Maybe he’s doing yoga, or crossfit, or just some light physical therapy to get his knee back into shape.
Regardless of what it is, he’s probably harder on himself than he tells you.
So — let him know that you can see his work paying off. It will give him the fuel he needs to keep going and make even more progress.
Let’s get this out of the way since you knew it was coming…
Men want to be a source of sexual pleasure for the woman in their life. There is no watered down way to say it. We’re all adults here, so let’s call it what it is.
Is it driven by ego? Yeah, probably.
But, I believe it’s also driven by men’s need to contribute. To bring value. Pleasure. Excitement. Passion.
They want to give this all to you, and they’re willing and able to learn the best ways to do it.
Plus — it’s not every day that men are the objects of desire. Especially your 48 year old accountant husband who spends his day whacking away at his…calculator.
Sorry guys, it had to be said.
BUT, you can make him feel like the stud that he feels like after a glass of whisky if you just tell him that you find him sexy, attractive, that he turns you on…
Plus, it’s important to note that men are often the ones who initiate physical contact in a relationship. They’ll put their hand on your leg, or squeeze your hand, or offer to give you a “back rub,” when you damn well know what that really means.
Sometimes he can feel insecure, or unsure — whether it be in himself or in how attracted you are to him.
Reassuring him that there is still an attraction between you will help him feel more confident and secure in himself, and your intimate life will thank you for it.
You’ll notice a consistent thread in this article that men appreciate being appreciated (don’t we all?), but there’s a different feeling that comes along with knowing that someone is grateful you’re in their life.
When you tell him that you’re grateful for him, you’re sending the message that your life wouldn’t be the same without him. That all of the times he stepped up to the plate for you really made an impression. That the time and effort and work he puts into the relationship are noticed and recognized.
That you value him as a human being. You’re glad he’s here, and that you’re walking this journey of life together.
Good men
take pride in doing what’s right, in putting in the work for their family, their spouse, their loved ones.
While I fully believe that thetruestform of fulfillment must come from within, positive reinforcement never has a negative impact, especially when it comes from the person we’re putting in the work for in the first place.
To know that he makes you proud through not just what he does, but because ofwho he isis a high honor for a man seeking to bring you joy and…
Maintaining a relationship is hard. It takes mutual work, effort, sacrifice, compromise…
We hear often (at least, I do) about slews of unhappy relationships that carried on for too long. People who secretly fell out of love with their partner, but stayed for all of the wrong reasons anyway.
If, then, you’ve got a guy in your life who truly brings you happiness — joy — a sense of peace and fulfillment in your life…please, tell him.
The world is full of enough turmoil and pain — if he’s a sanctuary for you in the chaos, he should know it.
Mutual is a big word in almost all of the points here. Mutual
happiness is essentially to any relationship’s survival.
Mutual effort.
Mutual love.
Mutual respect.
Mutual trust.
If knows that you want to make him happy just as he wants to make you happy, it’ll help him feel as though the relationship is an equal partnership —notthat he’s going to be doing all of the work to make you happy while you simply sit back and enjoy it.
Remember what I said in the beginning of this article: Great relationships aren’t about give and take, they’re about give and give.
If I’ve said this once, I’ve said it a million times.
The greatest compliment that a woman can give a man, is that she feels safe with him.
Not just physically safe (though, that definitely helps), but mentally and emotionally safe with him as well.
Safe opening up to him.
Safe trusting him with your feelings.
Safe sleeping soundly next to him at night.
Safe raising a family with him.
That, I believe, is the ultimate showing of trust. Expressing your vulnerability while knowing he would never do anything to betray it.….CONTINUE READING