Emotional maturity is the work of a lifetime.
So it’s a big ask to expect it of yourself, let alone anyone else, when you’re still learning who you are as a person and as a partner.
But it’s also fair to say that a lack of emotional maturity will hold you back in every area of your life including, and especially, your relationships.
I often have clients who spotted emotional red flags in their partners way back when they were besotted with each other. But they chose to ignore them because, well, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, don’t they?
I recall one man who remembered his new girlfriend getting extremely angry at restaurant wait staff when their meals arrived late.
“She got this wild look in her eyes and I remember thinking ‘wow, you are way too mad over such a small thing.’ But I let it go, I just put it down to a bad day. Big mistake,” he said, with his head in his hands.
He’d gone on to have three children with this woman and the eight years they’d been together had been an “absolutely bloody exhausting” emotional roller coaster. “Never again,” he said.
But how could he be sure?
Emotional Maturity 101
“Emotional immaturity is searching for love outside you.
Emotional maturity comes from realizing you are the source of love.” ― Collette O’Mahony
Emotional maturity is the ability to manage yourself in any circumstances. It means being able to identify and understand your thoughts and feelings, then reacting appropriately to them.
No-one gets it right every time — well, a few might, but they are in Category Rare. Most of us have moments when we lose ourselves emotionally, get all caught up in what’s going on in our heads and hearts.
However, a person who can’t control their reactions, or who reacts in ways that are too much (or too little) for the occasion is hard to be with, because you never know what you’re going to…